EXPECTATIONS. We all have them about pretty much everything. They usually consist of either what we want to happen, which leads to excitement, or what we really don’t want to happen, which leads to dread. Before I began my adventures here in Thailand, I really had a mixture of both kinds. I knew so little about what I was going to be doing and who I was going to be with that my imagination ran wild and began to play out the worst possible scenarios in my head, which invoked some fear; yet I was excited to see what was actually in store for me so I could stop making things up.
As what often times happens in all types of situations, my time here has been very different from what I thought of in my head. However, that’s not what’s important, or at least it’s not what I want to focus on at the moment. I’ve been thinking a lot about why we build up expectations. So many times we just end up disappointed, so why do it? Why paint these pictures in our minds about what’s going to happen? My answer? CONTROL. We want to be in control of our lives even if that control is as small as thinking we know what’s going to happen. Somehow we think that if we can get a good enough idea of how things will be, maybe we can avoid stepping too terribly far outside our comfort zone without preparing ourselves for it first. So when we are put in a situation where we have no clue what the plan is, our last little bit of control is snatched from us and we are left in this state of longing and unrest. This is where I was at the beginning of my trip. However, this uncomfortable feeling leads us to seek something more—to look to someone else for help so maybe they can tell us what’s going on, or at least make us feel better about things. In my case, I have clung to the only One who really has answers or the power to do anything about anything! I looked to my Maker and asked Him to give me more of Him. His answer? “I gave you my Son, will you give me yourself?” This stopped me in my tracks, and I realized how selfish and prideful I have become. I begin to weep from utter BROKENNESS. It’s this brokenness that leads to complete SURRENDER. This surrender is necessary to receive the gifts from God that come only through total surrender: LIFE, which is FREEDOM and WHOLENESS. This place of learning to surrender completely is where I stand at this time. I know that the more I surrender, the more Christ will breathe His Life and shine His Light through me to the people of Thailand.
EXPECTATIONS–>(Loss of) CONTROL–>BROKENNESS–>SURRENDER–>FREEDOM=LIFE
