Oh My God

The whole entire time that I have been here in Rwanda has been a wonderful time in being able to help out with the community, experience a new culture, and meet fantastic people. With this being a mission trip, God has been working in my life (of course) and has been showing me things that I would not have ever noticed back in the States. The first thing that happened was back in Atlanta where we had the listening circle and someone said that I am the person that God created me to be in terms of the qualities that I have. That was something that I have struggled with over the past few years in thinking that I need to be someone with more qualities that would 'glorify God,' but He has created me to be exactly who I am supposed to be.

My team has been very blessed with a friend here in Rwanda named Laura Reed, and she left everything in Alabama to become a missionary here in Rwanda…all at the age of 23. She has followed the Lord with all of her heart and has been listening to what He has been telling her and been very obedient to His call for her life. When she got here, she got off the plane, got her bags, and then got in a taxi with no agenda except trusting in God to provide for her…crazy faith. Anyway, she has the gift of prophecy (like legitimately, it's pretty ridiculous) and God gave her some prophecies about our team that involved people's names, bible verses, and some random things.

Within the list, there was a very random bible verse, Jeremiah 12:5.

“If you have raced with men on foot, and they have wearied you, how will you compete with horses? And if in a safe land you are so trusting, what will you do in the thicket of the Jordan?”

What kind of random bible verse is that!?!? Who was that verse supposed to affect?!

Oh yeah…It's me…

When I first heard the verse, I thought it had to with how I keep on trying to strive for certain qualities back at Purdue and become super worn out from it, how would I be able to do anything anywhere else? And if I struggle with standing up for my faith at all times back at Purdue, what on earth would happen if I was anywhere else (well Rwanda for the time being)? So that was my thoughts for the past couple weeks when Laura told us about it.

Slightly random, but I had a dream a few days ago and I asked Zach to interpret it (because God's blessed him with discerning dreams), and he said that there will be an opportunity in my life when I will have a chance to leave comfort to go live for Christ the way that He wants me to, but if I do not, I will continue to live in the comfortable life and actually do pretty well in it. Either way, God will bless me so it seems like it is not a bad situation to be in. Also, this could be totally wrong, but hey, it's just a dream.

Now tonight, Laura was here for dinner and she was finally ready to tell me what she felt that God was telling her about about me through this verse. She started off by saying that she felt that God was calling me to be in a country that is not 'safe.' This may mean either a closed country where the Gospel is not freely preached, a country where there is a war going on, or something along those lines. Next she said that I need to learn to persevere in situations that are in 'a safe land' and that I continue to grow in my faith so that when I'm put in situations that are difficult, I can persevere with minimal problems. The last thing she told me was that all that is left of me is to bring it to God to see if this is true or not. Oh, and to say yes to what God has planned for me.

HOLY CRAP! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?! THIS IS SO CRAZY!!!!! IS THIS FOR REAL!?!?!

I was supposed to have a life where I made six figures, helped people with their medications, be a loving husband and father to a wonderful family, pour myself into the church and the people around me. I was supposed to be the guy who supported missionaries and other organizations financially, and be able to provide for my friends. I was supposed to live a life in the US, doing the things I love (which is spending time with other people…which also involves giving shoulder rubs), living a life for Jesus…the American Dream.

What on earth is this about ME being a missionary?

Well, I don't know yet, that's where the discernment of God comes into play and something that I alone have to work out with God. Of course your prayers would be wonderful and appreciated, but this is such a huge thing to hear that I CANNOT seek the guidance of people (which is something I love to do).

I came on this trip to Rwanda hoping that God would work through my heart in the sense of overcoming my struggles with lust, being able to not exude false humility (I put myself down a lot, sometimes subtly, sometimes pretty blatantly), or that I would find a passion for Jesus again (that was the biggest thing I wanted). Well, God has stripped sooooooooooo much away that there were things that I never would have imagined that God has brought light to me. One of those things is how much we do have in the US, holy moly we have WAAAAAAAAY too many things. The kids have very little things to play with here, a soccer ball (if they're lucky), a stick and tire, and perhaps a doll, but most of them have nothing at all. Another is how those things that we have really do cloud up our relationship with Jesus. Now, I am NOT saying that the way that we are living our lives for Jesus back in the States are wrong, I am just saying that we have so many distractions that it is very difficult to take a step back and listen to what God has to say for our lives.

This was a lot more than I had ever imagined I would learn on this trip. My mindset of HAVING to finish pharmacy school has been changed to 'maybe I can take a year off so I can go on the World Race.' My mindset of being an example of Christ in the US by pouring myself into the people that I may come into contact with is being changed to showing Jesus love to the people all around the world. I'm scared out of my MIND right now. But this is what God calls us to, to 'take up his cross daily and follow' Him (Luke 9:23), to the point where we 'leave everything and follow Him' (Luke 5:11) .

I serve a God who loves me unconditionally that will do whatever is the BEST for me. “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalms 37:4). He knows what I want and as long as I continue to delight in Christ, He will provide…and I am stoked about it.

Wow. This is way more than I bargained for on this trip. But “many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand” (Proverbs 19:21). Thank you so much again for your thoughts and prayers, they are really doing some amazing things not only for me but for the people around me. May God continue to bless all of you in whatever endeavors you are undertaking, and well, I'm in for the freaking ride of my life.

P.S. Two things. First, I thought I was going to be a missionary/pastor when I was in grade school, so I don't know why this is even a foreign concept to me. Second, my grandpa's dream for me is for me to build a school and a church in NORTH KOREA (yeah, I know) sometime in my lifetime. Quite interesting. That's all.